"We help you…"
But what if I don't want that?
"You need…"
How do you know?
"You deserve more."
Who decided what I deserve?
At first glance, these are just marketing formulas, used so often we barely hear them anymore.
But the formulas aren't the problem. The assumption behind them is.
A brand doesn't just tell you what it can do for you. First, it tells you what's wrong with you. Maybe without meaning to. Maybe in a warm, empathetic tone, built "around you".
Communication that talks about you. But never with you.
It tells you that you need more confidence. That you deserve more. That it's time for a change. That there's a better version of you.
And, subtly, a question appears that you never asked yourself before: what if I do have the problem you're telling me I have?
When marketing explains who you are
We've been told so often to know our audience that we've confused knowledge with assumption. We build the ideal customer profile. We know their age, frustrations, desires. We know what keeps them up at night. And we write for them.
Except the real person disappears along the way. People aren't characters from a PowerPoint slide. They can want change and, at the same time, be happy with who they are. They can buy something expensive without looking for "value". They can have no problem at all and buy something simply because they liked it.
Not everything starts from a lack. But a lot of marketing starts exactly there.
The brand creates the problem before selling the solution
The message no longer says "here's what we do". It says "here's what you're missing", then "luckily, we have it".
It's effective. You define a lack, you immediately offer the solution. Except there's a big difference between identifying a real need and planting one. Here's how it sounds, by category. Next time you see a formula like this from a brand, you'll have a ready answer.
What the brand assumes you feel
"Feel beautiful again."
#IaMaiZi Who said I don't?
"Regain your confidence."
#IaMaiZi Who said I lost it?
"Rediscover yourself."
#IaMaiZi But what if I like who I am?
"Get rid of your insecurities."
#IaMaiZi Maybe I'm not insecure.
Here the mechanism is clear: the brand introduces an emotional state the person may never have had.
What it assumes you're missing
"You need a change."
#IaMaiZi Maybe I don't want one.
"You need more time for yourself."
#IaMaiZi Maybe I need fewer things to do.
"You need a fresh start."
#IaMaiZi But what if I don't want to start over?
The message no longer sells the product. It defines a lack the person may not have even noticed.
What it assumes you deserve
"You deserve more."
#IaMaiZi More than what?
"You deserve to be the best version of yourself."
#IaMaiZi Who decided I need to be someone else?
"You deserve the best."
#IaMaiZi And what does "best" mean for me?
"You deserve" is one of the hardest forms of persuasion to argue with. Who would say "I don't deserve it"? That's exactly why it slips past the filter so easily.
What it assumes you want
"Exactly what you need."
#IaMaiZi Interesting. I didn't know that yet.
"Choose what's best for you."
#IaMaiZi But who already chose what's "best"?
"Make the right choice."
#IaMaiZi Right for whom?
What it assumes you need to become
"Become the best version of yourself."
#IaMaiZi But what if I like this version?
"Transform yourself."
#IaMaiZi Into who?
"Don't settle for less."
#IaMaiZi Maybe for me it isn't less.
You're never told directly that you're not enough. You're constantly nudged toward the idea that you could be more.
And a few with a finer edge of irony
"For you."
#IaMaiZi Did you decide that, or did I?
"It's time for a change."
#IaMaiZi Who's holding the clock?
"We understand you."
#IaMaiZi When did we meet?
Taken separately, none of these phrases sound aggressive. Some even sound nice. That's exactly the problem.
A very well packaged pressure
There's a quiet pressure when a brand defines an inadequacy you never perceived. It doesn't insult you. It suggests.
Repeated enough, the message makes you wonder if maybe something really is missing.
It no longer sells a product. It defines a lack you may not have perceived, then kindly offers the solution.
It's elegant persuasion. So elegant it barely looks like persuasion at all. It looks like care. But who said it understands you?
We don't like being told how we feel
When someone tells you what you feel without having asked, a small resistance appears.
It's not about the message. It's about control. People like defining their own needs. A brand that jumps too fast to interpretation can produce the exact opposite reaction: not "that's exactly what I'm looking for", but "how do you know what I'm looking for?"
And the conversation closes before it opens.
Talking to someone isn't the same as telling them who they are
You can use "you" ten times in a paragraph and still not be speaking to the person in front of you. There's a difference between addressing someone and seeing them.
Sometimes the most personal communication is the one that doesn't pretend to know everything about you. "Here's what we do. Here's how we work. See if it's for you." That leaves room. And in that room, a person can recognize themselves.
The question to ask before any message
Not "what do we want to say". Not "what's the benefit". But: how do we know that's their problem?
If the answer is "because we believe that…", it's worth pausing. Not because the assumption is wrong. But because it might just be an assumption.
A good brand doesn't need to tell someone who they are. It can simply say: here's what we do, here's why we think it has value. You see if you recognize yourself in it.
The paradox: the more freedom you leave someone to decide what the message means to them, the more likely they are to move closer to it. Not because you convinced them. But because you didn't take their own story away from them.
If the person answers "yes, that's exactly it", the communication did its job.
If they answer "no, you decided that's my problem", it's not the message that needs rewriting. It's the assumption it started from.
Maybe the greatest respect a brand can show is not telling someone who they are. Leaving them enough space to recognize themselves.